I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Four minutes until I can fart!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
