he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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