When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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