just come out here and I will go home with you...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
