Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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