So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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