My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
