You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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