I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
