And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
