So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
