I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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