So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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