Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
