Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
