We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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