I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
