from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
