I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This is classic penis vs brain.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I supernannyed him into submission
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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