I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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