I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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