Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude. I can hear the air.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
