i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
3pm strippers are depressing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
