she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
