$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Farmville is her only friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
