I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
