i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
