My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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