There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He felt like a one man threesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
