He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just pee around me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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