I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
