OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
