she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
