So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
