Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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