Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
