how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
