I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
