I heard we made out
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
