I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
