I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
