I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
