awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
