thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
