You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
