so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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