I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
