I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
