Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
