Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
