Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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