just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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