Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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