Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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